Beating The Noise
Written while listening to https://youtu.be/c22uC-iZ0mc
About 15 years ago, when I was at the beginning of my journey in music as a DJ and producer, I was excited at every opportunity I got to play out. There were some years that were packed with bookings, events, and residencies. I think it reached a point where I thought I could make a career out of it, but at the back of my mind, I knew that it was unrealistic. I didn't like the idea of doing the same thing for several more years into the future until I grew old, especially in the city where I lived, where the music I enjoyed playing was underappreciated and suppressed by more popular music.
Fame never interested me. All I cared about was sharing music with people. I still make music for myself and for singers and rappers who reach out to me. I still DJ at home to enjoy the records in my collection. My last performance was in 2016. If I get a booking for a 1 or 2-hour set now, I'm not sure if I would take it, at least not here where the pay is still shit and not worth the time anymore. Yes yes, I've done it for the love for many years. That can only take you so far until you go insane and feel like you're paying to perform.
My perspective probably changed now that I'm not as broke as I was then, when I would take any booking, even with the tiniest compensation, just to have enough money to buy food. It was a very unhealthy period in my life. I'm grateful for those experiences because I appreciate everything that I have now and even the smallest things more. My detachment from material things probably also helps.
I have very few friends now. People you meet in music are usually temporary and are only present during the fun times. That does not mean that they are bad people. We probably just have different wants and values.
I said in a previous post that I need very little in my life; few people, few things. What I enjoy more now are simple experiences: good food and good times spent with good people. This can be a struggle for me because I sometimes wonder what to do with my life between those enjoyable moments. So far, what I've been doing is work and save money at home, then travel every few months just to eat, drink, read, and walk. It sounds silly when I break it down to its simplest form. What else is there to do other than to survive and do what I want?
There are so many things today that want your attention from news, social media, ads, politics, trends, social issues, and mundane stories from people about people that I don't care about. It's exhausting enough just to exist. I don't want to waste a significant portion of my attention and life on shit that does not matter in the big picture. These are all noise and fleeting. I actively avoid these things, which I should not need to do. It takes more effort now to avoid and ignore these things than to unwillingly let them invade my mind and senses. I don't push away too much, though. I still have my brain-melting guilty pleasures.
I just want to live.