Mushrooms In My Body
A little more than 10 years ago, I ate my first mushroom without knowing anything about it. There were no plans for the rest of that day after we finished classes. I went to my friend's apartment to hang out for a while before I walked home. It wasn't far, maybe a 10-minute walk. As this was new to me, I had no idea what to expect. I was told that it would take around 20 minutes before I felt anything. I remember it creeping up to me very slowly. It was a lot of "Is this it?" and "Oh wait, not yet." as it kept on creeping up.
Nothing happened that day. We just listened to music and smoked a few joints. I wish I did not smoke then because it clouded my experience of just the mushrooms in me. Still, I know that day changed me forever.
I think the change was not much of a change in that I'm a different person now, but more like it opened me up to myself, if that makes sense. It allowed me to become more of myself in some way. I walked home in that loud, noisy, chaotic city. All I could think of then was that all the people around me rushing were too intense and that maybe they all would feel better if they slowed down a bit and breathed more. Maybe if they looked up to see the clear sky and breathe mostly clear air, they would have a moment to think and be grateful for being alive, experiencing life, no disasters and no typhoons to ruin people's homes and lives. The day was cloudless, and hot, of course, but it's always hot here.
This sounds very woo woo, and it's unlike me, because I'm so not into that woo woo thing. Articulating my thoughts and feelings accurately into words is not something I'm good at. The best way I can describe that day is that it flipped a switch in my brain permanently. It's a very subtle change and one that I am grateful for even today.
I've eaten mushrooms a few more times since. What I learned from those succeeding ones was that the switch can only be flipped once, because I did not experience that same kind of profound opening of mind again. Maybe I expected too much or maybe I learned what I had to learn from it. It's very interesting because it makes me introspective without hating myself like I usually do. It does not suddenly give me answers to my problems and issues or heartache.
For three weeks in January this year, I ate mushrooms daily. Having microdosed years ago, this was not a new concept for me.
I expected to learn something or to come up with some ideas about what I've experienced in the past few years. I realized that I was looking for answers without questions or things that do not need questions. These should instead just be accepted. The bad experiences are all a part of life, and there is no need for anything to be done. I like this because usually, we people want to do something to address some issue, experience, or event in our lives. Sometimes, most times, we really don't have to do anything. Most of the time, reacting or responding won't contribute positively in any way.
It's not all good though. Because of this, I'm less excitable, but I think this is because I'm overstimulated by everything around me with all the unimportant noise and media and ads that I just shut down. Actually, I still think that's a good thing. Maybe it's not good for other people. I like that I don't feel the need to react or respond to most things now. It allows me to be authentic in my feelings and intentional in my thoughts.
I'm really a soft person, hard outside but really a softy inside, not caring about most things but caring a lot when I do.